Subscribe Feed (RSS)Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Barleywine (2001)
March 6th, 2009 by Aaron Goldfarb | Filed under Brewer: Sierra Nevada, Country: America, Grade: A-, Style: Barley wine.
9.6% ABV bottled
A friend down in San Juan for the World Baseball Classic just sent me a text:
“medalla light tastes like puerto rican bath water.”
That got me thinking about good names for beers that (yet!) do not exist:
PUERTO RICAN SHOWER ALE
This high ABV ale tastes like cheap cologne because it’s main component actually is cheap cologne. Be thankful though, the pungent cologne smells actually mask the even more potent body odor hints in this beer.
GOLDEN PARACHUTE LAGER
While CEOs and other upper-level executives get gigantic severance packages upon being fired or let go, us lonely plebes use to have nothing to look forward to but living on the streets and getting drunk on mouthwash. Until now. Golden Parachute Lager is the world’s cheapest beer, made from adjunct ingredients so poor they make rice and corn seem gourmet. Packaged in handsome cardboard “drinky” boxes typically used for children’s juices, Golden Parachute is the only beer one is actually allowed to purchase with government food stamps.
LIGHT LITE (draught only)
The beer created for the discerning consumer who always approaches the bartender and asks, “Whadaya got light on tap?” For the drinker that actually worries about the caloric content of their beer. Ah, do not fret any more as Light Lite is a NO calorie beer that is crystal clear in color. (Light/lite enough for ya’, Jack?!) That’s because it’s actually tap water, garnished with an orange wedge because the same motherfucking idiots that ask for light beers are the same ones that think fruit slices should be in their adult beverages.
Now Bigfoot, that’s a great fucking name for one of the more legendary beers in the craft brewing world. A stupendous looking brew with a glowing ruby color and possessing a world-class smell, I found this bottle a tad too boozy in taste. But it was still quite good. Spicy and hoppy, but lacking a little sweetness I prefer in my favorite barleywines (Old Guardian, JW Lees Harvest, GnarlyWine, etc). Still, this is one of the best on the market.
Boy, I’d love some graphic logos for my aforementioned beer creations. That sure would be cool.
But what about you?
I want to hear if you got any good, funny ideas for beer names. Tell me in the comments.
A-
