9.5% ABV bottled
They–meaning “good” people–always say to truculent assholes like me that, yeah, you’re right, the world will obviously still be up and running on all cylinders when me and you die, no matter how poorly we treat it, but we still have a responsibility to leave this world nice for our children and for our childrens’ children. Recycling and maintaining itty bitty carbon footprints and not exploiting the land or our fellow man.
Well, I don’t plan on having any children*, so I guess I can continue to be an anti-environmental asshole, right? Maybe. But maybe not, if being a nice, sweet “green” dude means it will now be a part of my ethos to drink fair trade coffee.
Allow me to explain…
A few weeks ago I was bored, dicking around on Beer Advocate when I started studying their Top 100 list a bit trying to tip myself off to some great brews I had perhaps never heard of. Those are sadly becoming fewer and farther between as my beer studies advance.** However, this time I noticed a pop residing at the #15 position. One I’d never heard of. One with an odd “foreign”-soundin’ name. Peche Mortel. Interesting. I didn’t do much further research at that moment and simply filed my newly-culled fact away in the ol’ Goldfarb memory bank.
Luckily, my research would serve me well as just a few days later I found myself at Whole Foods and came across a lone bottle of Peche Mortel residing on a high shelf. My memory jogged like Chuck Bartowski‘s Intersect-affected mind on “Chuck”–does any one in the entire world watch that show because that is one killer analogy I just made–and I quickly snatched the 12 ouncer off the shelf. I examined the bottle. Hmmm…an imperial stout from Montreal. Odd, for some reason I thought it was gonna be a fruit beer from Belgium. Maybe because I dumbly translated “peche” to mean “peach” and thought the funny language looked Belgian-y. For the record, your honor, Peche Mortel actually stands for “Mortal Sin” if you’re as ineptly monolingual as I am.
That very weekend, while watching the sublime new “Thrilla in Manilla” doc on HBO, I popped the bottle with much anticipation and was floored by the intense coffee smell as the hot booze punched me in the snotbox the second I began to transfer the liquid from bottle to glass. Whoa Nelly and Holy Cow, this is one great beer. It tingles the tongue with a roasted coffee taste and pronounced bitterness, a smooth and creamy espresso body, and finishes with a subtle hint of sweetness. I’ve had several great coffee beers lately, most notably Brooklyn’s Intensified Coffee Stout and Surly’s Coffee Bender, but this trumps them both.** This is an incredibly complex stout and, personally, I think it’s even better than the much ballyhooed Kona-coffee-infused Founders Breakfast Stout. That fair trade stuff is the real deal, brother. And no, I still don’t really know what fair trade coffee is and am far too lazy to read the Wikipedia entry on it.
I honestly have no clue how rare this beer is as I just stumbled upon it through pure happenstance, but I am glad to learn that America, Jr. up north actually has another great beermaker aside from Unibroue. Although, I’m not even sure if Brasserie Dieu Du Ciel makes anything else worthwhile as I know nothing about their other beers other than that they have some cool looking labels and their Aphrodisiaque sounds most exsquisite. I’d love to get my hands on some if any one knows where to score ‘em.
Hey, it’s the era of grade inflation and I can’t help if I keep having masterpieces so…
…I’ll try to drink something shitty this weekend, I promise. Those are the most fun reviews.
Speaking of which, if any one has any tips for something abominable I can tipple for my next video review, please let me know: theviceblog [at] gmail.com.
*On purpose that is, and probably not on accident either as I sit with a laptop on my balls for ten-plus hours a day, every day, and were my scrotum to be vivisected it would probably show a bed of long-perished spermatozoa floating atop a pool of neon green seminal fluid like dead fish at the end of a stream which has a tributary coming out of a nuclear power plant.
**If any one ever calls me an alcoholic, I’ll just start saying my beer studies are quite advanced.
**Quoth the brewers:
If you love really good coffee and really good beer equally, you will be thrilled with Péché Mortel. If coffee isn’t your cup of tea, and caffeine makes you bounce off the ceiling, then just put the bottle down and find something else to drink. This beer is all about coffee. Indeed, you may have seen ‘coffee stouts’ before, but no brewer has ever married coffee and beer so naturally and seamlessly.