OK sportsfans, here’s my THIRD in the unrelentless video series in which I review some of the, purportedly, worst beers on Allah’s green earth in the hopes that I may…I don’t know: throw up, gag, ruin my weekend, die? Make you laugh?
Alright, so the beer was truly terrible but it didn’t make me…throw up, gag, die, or probably even make you laugh. Mea culpa. However, match this list to the same list at the top of this review and you will notice one item lacking.
“Ruined my weekend.”
Ruined my extended holiday weekend.
Oh, if only my camera crew had followed me for the next ten hours after I drank Cannabis the Beer, perhaps then I would know what happened, the progression of events that happened which led to a ruined weekend. I would know how the liquid THC seeped into my brain and how next thing I know I’m playing darts in a bar at 2 AM, and then the next thing I know I come out of a drunken fugue to find myself in some sort of a supply closet at some pseudo-club in Jersey City, surrounded by cleaning products and mops, laying on a dingy sleeping bag atop a concrete floor, hooking up with the third and fourth ugliest women I’ve ever hooked up with in my life. How I got to this point, how I came to be there at 8:50 AM, I do not know. But I can only blame the Cannabis for causing me to time-travel. Perhaps, in retrospect, in light of these post-video-review facts, I should give the beer an F. But I won’t, because at least Ms. Fourth Ugliest gave me a car ride back to Manhattan.
I hate myself.
(Though, as always, I’m still looking for more terrible beers to video review. Hit me up at theviceblog [at] gmail.com)