Cannabis the Beer (Red Power)

May 28, 2009 by Aaron Goldfarb | Filed under Brewer: Eurobrau, Country: Germany, Grade: D-, Style: Spiced Beer, Video Reviews.

8% bottled

OK sportsfans, here’s my THIRD in the unrelentless video series in which I review some of the, purportedly, worst beers on Allah’s green earth in the hopes that I may…I don’t know:  throw up, gag, ruin my weekend, die? Make you laugh?

Previously, I drank Mamma Mia! Pizza Beer and Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer.

Introduction:

The Taste:

Alright, so the beer was truly terrible but it didn’t make me…throw up, gag, die, or probably even make you laugh. Mea culpa. However, match this list to the same list at the top of this review and you will notice one item lacking.

“Ruined my weekend.”

Ruined my extended holiday weekend.

Oh, if only my camera crew had followed me for the next ten hours after I drank Cannabis the Beer, perhaps then I would know what happened, the progression of events that happened which led to a ruined weekend.  I would know how the liquid THC seeped into my brain and how next thing I know I’m playing darts in a bar at 2 AM, and then the next thing I know I come out of a drunken fugue to find myself in some sort of a supply closet at some pseudo-club in Jersey City, surrounded by cleaning products and mops, laying on a dingy sleeping bag atop a concrete floor, hooking up with the third and fourth ugliest women I’ve ever hooked up with in my life.  How I got to this point, how I came to be there at 8:50 AM, I do not know.  But I can only blame the Cannabis for causing me to time-travel.  Perhaps, in retrospect, in light of these post-video-review facts, I should give the beer an F.  But I won’t, because at least Ms. Fourth Ugliest gave me a car ride back to Manhattan.

I hate myself.

(Though, as always, I’m still looking for more terrible beers to video review.  Hit me up at theviceblog [at] gmail.com)


16 Responses to “Cannabis the Beer (Red Power)”

  1. You’re obviously smarter than me.

    (Now if I was only 18 years old an allowed to enter that site)

  2. Tom says:

    Check out the “SOS Help me” page. Apparently this beer is brewed by college freshman from 1998.

  3. Hahahaha.

    Does Geocities host that webpage?!

  4. Tom says:

    Also I would like to point out the “beer & health” page:

    http://www.cannabis.it/usa_beer%20health.htm

    is literally copied and pasted from this page:

    http://www.bavariaimports.com/aboutbeer/beerandhealth.html

  5. Boy Tom, you sure do have an ax to grind with the great people at Cannabis beer. What did they ever do to you?!

    Better yet, what are you going to do to me when you figure out where I copy and paste all my stories from?

  6. too funny. note to self ‘do not hook up with Aaron lest you be named The Fifth Ugliest Woman’ – don’t worry, Aaron, I’m married & live in AZ, (don’t think I’m ugly either) but this gave me a great laugh.

  7. Tom says:

    I’m on to you Goldfarb. Or is it… SCHLESSINGER?!

    http://www.drlaurablog.com/

  8. @Alexandra
    Assuming people don’t vomit into street grates when you pass them on the street, there’s no way you’d make the top 5.

    @Tom
    I’ve often been called a mix of Dr. Laura and Suze Orman with just a twist of Elisabeth Hasselback. My mom’s kinda mean in saying that, huh?

  9. Jenny Nunez says:

    I love your blog. Where in JC was that club? I live in Hoboken but have never partied in JC. But I do work in there down near the water. Are you there often? Maybe we can meet up for a drink and I can get the full story. BTW you shouldn’t have let her drive you home. Now she knows where you live and can stalk you, LOL :). And you better hope she isn’t pregnant as you will get a knock on your door, jk ha!

  10. Honestly, I’m not sure where the club was, somewhere near the Grove PATH station I believe.

    Not in JC that often, but sometimes. I need to usually drink in places where I’m not separated from my home by water, and where I can’t get lost, and where I can quickly procure cabs in order to flee the scene like an arsonist.

    And I obviously did not have her take me anywhere near my actual apartment. I had her take me to a Duane Reade several blocks away from where I live in order that I could buy a jug of mouthwash to chug and some special pills to make me forget things.

  11. KingOttoIII says:

    There were two girls? Why didnt you share with Greg? And how did you end up in a closet? Did they not have a house? And how did a sleeping bag get there? Do they work as cleaning ladies and live in the closet like Elaine? You need to go back and find this out.

  12. One, maybe both, were the owner.

    Cannabis beer is very deadly.

  13. settlesdown says:

    Hahaha! That is too funny! It sounds like it was made with GHB instead of THC. The only thing that could make this story any better would be a Nick Nolte-esque mugshot! Good Shit!

  14. No mugshot, but I did take a picture of myself in the Duane Reade mere seconds after being dropped off.

    http://twitpic.com/5ugx4

    As my people say: “Never forget.”

  15. Torsten Ramsby says:

    You are a real noob,go suck moms tits!

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