5.1% ABV bottled
I continue to be stunned how watching this year’s political debates has become appointment television for most people. These same folks who I’ve never once heard utter a political thought in their lives are now rushing home, setting up spreads of food and drink on the coffee table, even hosting parties and gatherings like it’s the fucking Super Bowl, in order to watch two losers debate. Ha, “debate.” Political debates are not debates. They’re nothing but carefully orchestrated and choreographed theater. High school forensics leagues are more riveting and exciting and unpredictable. Does any one watch a debate nowadays and have their opinions swayed? Of course not. Because it’s not a debate, it’s two people standing on the same stage kinda near each other and shoe-horning their already well-tread platforms into brief snippets of answers to questions. It’s a vanity contest, no more significant than the speaking portion of a beauty pageant. A sound and a fury signifying nothing. You know who the winner of these debates is? The person who speaks clearest, who smiles the most, who looks up the most, and who has the nicest suit on. It’s ludicrous. George H.W. once “lost” a debate because he checked the time. Nixon lost one because he forgot to shave. And someone will “lose” tonight because they farted. Or sneezed. Or said Gesundheit to that sneeze instead of “God bless you!” (”‘Gesundheit?’ What are ya’, a German atheist?!”) Or wore clashing socks. It’s insane. But, the biggest crime is that it’s just fucking boring.
Your Vice Blogger will be out getting loaded tonight. Something actually fun. And though he probably won’t be voting–nevertheless, as Marx said (I think) “We are all political animals”–so it’s certainly possible he’ll get into a drunken political debate with a buddy or two. Now that would be riveting television. That I would understand if all of America wanted to watch me drunkenly debate my likewise-drunk friends.
The only thing worse than watching a modern-day political debate is when you go to a bar and they have the debate on, muted, with the fucking closed-captioning scrolling. Are you fucking serious?! Like I want to drunkenly read the no-content ramblings of Joe Biden*. Sure. This happened to me last week and I was gobsmacked. I will not allow that to happen tonight. Any bar that does that will be quickly 86ed from my life.
And now I come to the penultimate beer review from the big care package of Minnesota brews The Captain sent me so long ago. The EPA has not much of a smell. Faint hops and pine scents. It tastes a little bland. Earthy, pine hints, slight orange tastes. No carbonation, no alcoholic bite, no bitterness = about as drinkable as a halfway decent beer can be.
A pleasant enough little pale ale. Very easy to drink and enjoy. I don’t know how any one could NOT like this. Then again, I don’t know how any one could LOVE it. And I still don’t know how any one could love political debates. Please, just don’t watch them.
*Cuse alumni shout out!