This is to be my first and perhaps last and most likely only wine review ever.
Aside from drinking wine a good deal, I really don’t know a whole lot about the stuff. Yeah, I know that any wine bottle with an animal on it (whether fishes or penguins or yaks) is almost certainly undesirably tannic shit. I know that the “house” wine at Italian places manages to get you drunk just as good as anything else there (and it manages to give you a wicked hangover too). I know that I may be a classless vulgarian, but I still seem to be one of the few people around that grips wine glasses correctly while drinking (from the stem, fellas, you look like a goddamn fool when you cup the bowl like you’re giving a testicular exam to an old man). I know that becoming highly skilled at briskly swirling your wine is a boffo party trick (though it does have drawbacks two-fold in a. making you look like a pretentious asshole and b. occasionally causing you to swirl red wine right onto your friend’s new white carpet when you don’t quite realize how drunk you already are). I also know that only a moron orders the second cheapest wine at a restaurant. As we all know from watching hacky sitcoms, since most men are clueless (and cheap), not wanting to look clueless (and cheap), said men pass on ordering the cheapest bottle of wine on a restaurant menu and instead confidently order the second cheapest bottle as if they know what they’re talking about. Well guess what? Restaurant owners know this and now often place the wine they bought the cheapest wholesale in the second-cheapest slot on the wine menu. So now, in most cases, the second cheapest wine in any given restaurant is both the most overpriced and lowest quality wine and you’d be better off just ordering the cheapest and pretending you’re getting a real “steal” on something underrated.
My friend DW had long told me about this little known masterpiece from a favorite winery of his in Charlottesville, Virginia and on his most recent visit he snagged me a bottle with the caveat that I write a review of it. Whoa, is this a truly unique product. Perhaps the most singularly unique alcoholic beverage I’ve ever had in my life. A 19% ABV wine, who has heard of such a thing?! That’s due to the fact that this white wine aperitif is created by taking Chardonnay grapes and then blending and fortifying them with brandy which is then aged for six weeks in Jack Daniels barrels. Wow!
Aperitif, wine, brandy, whatever the hell you want to call it–I called it “the Sunday night pass-out”–this beauty is incredibly delicious. If you can believe it, Kluge Estates actually recommends serving this chilled on ice with a slice of orange! That sounded sacrilegious to me so I simply drank it slightly chilled, not wanting to miss out on any of its great flavors. So bourbony and sweet and obviously boozy, boozy, boozy. Very complex yet still refreshing. Notes of peach and orange and pear, with darker flavors of licorice and vanilla coming from the Tennessee whiskey.
If you like wine, if you like bourbon, if you like high-ABV shit, and alcohol that challenges your palate, you absolutely have to try this one. This is truly wine taken to the next level, a level I’m not sure many people even want wine taken to. Heck, why don’t you order a bottle online? You’ll thank me later, Goldfarb guarantee.